


Elgar'nan Enasal Enaste

by ThedosianExplorer



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Racism, Canon-Typical Violence, Dalish Elves, Dalish Origin, Gen, Pre-Canon, Violence involving minors, anti-Dalish racism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 03:08:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15234012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThedosianExplorer/pseuds/ThedosianExplorer
Summary: Just as practiced. Lavellan stays together, and Lavellan survives. Ellana glanced back before she kept running. Part of her wasn’t convinced this time.Inquisitor Ladwyn Lavellan's Origin.





	Elgar'nan Enasal Enaste

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Ladwyn Lavellan's #1 fan Fawx and the Guru of Gore herself, Sacramental_Wine. <3

 

Ellana cradled her easel and journal as she shut the door of her aravel. Haleni had left her a knit shawl before going on patrol and she was grateful for it. The wind blew cold and bone-dry this close to winter. Ellana clutched her shawl tighter and walked briskly away from camp towards the riverbed.  

After a few days of fruitless sketching Ellana had found a spot she liked. She pressed her easel into the firm clay at her feet and secured her journal with a leather cord. Ellana took a handful of paint jars from the pouch at her waist, and lined them up on either side of her journal. Her hand stalled between orange and yellow. Ellana held one jar between two others as she considered her options. This was her last chance to paint the sunrise here before they set out.

Rebounding magic snapped across Ellana’s wrist. She yelped in pain and dropped the jar. It splashed her boots with orange and rolled away. What was left of the ward fell off her wrist like a broken bracelet. If the spell had depleted, then it had detonated fully. Ellana swallowed as the realization took hold.

Something had charged through the northern ward lines.

Her breath caught as she waited for a signal, or another broken line. _We’ve bartered with the town here, and it’s small. No militia. That just leaves Tantervale…_ The north ward was in the forest across the river, closest to Mahanon and Haleni’s route. _They couldn’t have set it off but they would know. They should be sounding their horns now. Right… now._

There was only silence from the pines.

 _Don’t worry. Act._ The voice in her head was Deshanna’s, firm and direct. Ellana fumbled for the horn at her belt. She blew it three times, sharp and clear in the quiet. The call to evacuate was hers to make with Deshanna recovering.

Lavellan was prepared for this. Every clan was. The scouts would be recalled to protect the aravels. Hunters would take up their arms, and guard the Keeper. The aravels were ready to depart as they were every night.

 _Just as practiced._ _Lavellan stays together, and Lavellan survives_. Ellana repeated that as she ran for the pines across the river. Mahanon and Haleni were still out there. _Lavellan stays together, and Lavellan survives_.

Huntmaster Findros answered her horn with his own. Others echoed in a chorus as she ran. Most would move to the aravels, but Findros would join her once he found her missing.

 _They’ll know we’re ready now._ In the past that had been enough. Ellana jumped off the bank and landed hard in the river, pants soaked to the thigh. She clawed the river bank and pulled herself out. She glanced back before she kept running. Part of her wasn’t convinced this time.

_Deshanna’s still sick._

_They didn’t answer me._

_They might be dead._

The forest was an unbroken line alongside the river. Ellana only saw the indistinct, overlapping shapes of trees.  She drew her dagger and held it ready. Her armor and staff were back in her aravel, but she had to keep moving. She re-traced the path to the north ward. Fallen needles and brush muffled her footsteps. The detonated ward had scarred the trees around her and scared away the animals. Some trees held embers that grew stronger in the dry air. They flickered orange as she ran past.

She almost tripped over the body strewn over the broken ward lines. Ellana knew it was a shem before she flipped it over. It was dressed in muddy browns and greens in an imitation of the forest around her. The body reeked of smoke and the smell after a storm. She noted the short sword and axe at its sides, and the hide armor scorched by lightning. _Mercenary._  

Ellana flipped it back quickly. She felt sick. Her ward had done its job, but usually the hunters checked afterwards. _Mercenaries.There’s never just one. Mahanon and Haleni aren’t here._  

_Why aren’t they here?_

Ellana tried to imagine the scene as it happened. It would not be the first time Mahanon had scouted a bandit camp too close to the aravels. There must be more than the shem here, but Mahanon and Haleni should have been able to intercept him before he broke the ward line.

_They were stopped. They were attacked. They were-_

Ellana wove between the pines, following nearby sounds as they they filtered through the forest. She needed to find them before her thoughts outpaced her. 

There was a thump up ahead. A strangled shout. Ellana turned left as the trees around her thinned. There was a clearing somewhere closeby. Ellana had seen it in passing the other night. It was the only space around for Mahanon and Haleni to re-group, or maneuver themselves in a fight. _They’re alive._  

A jolt ran through her as she recognized the clearing, it had to be- 

She heard a clash of bodies and the snap of a bowstring. A harder thump, muffled by earth. An anguished scream that sent Ellana right to the mouth of the clearing. 

_Mahanon._

There was enough moonlight here to paint the clearing in a pale silver gleam. Enough to see Mahanon curled up to the ground, a cloaked shem standing over him. She saw the glint of metal, and Mahanon’s bow far from his hand.

Ellana ducked low, and rushed forward. There was no time for anything else. She had to reach the shem before he touched Mahanon, so she could grab him and wrench him _down_ - 

They collided in a frenzy of limbs and broken curses. The shem twisted in her grip but stayed on his feet. Ellana buried her dagger in his shoulder and he cried out, thrashing and failing to shake her. He kicked her hard in the shin, and it gave him enough leverage to shove her away. The sensation of metal biting against her forehead and cheek quickly gave way to a wash of blood. Her eye escaped the worst of it, but only barely. 

She reached in the direction of his blow, and grabbed his wrist before he could pull back. Blood welled in her mouth as she struggled to keep her grip. Ellana wrenched the shem’s wrist tighter, and glanced at the weapon in his hands. A broadaxe. Deadly, and he could use it one-handed.

Ellana reached with her free hand and grabbed the hilt of her dagger. He screamed as her fingers found the hilt and twisted hard to the right. _Drop it drop it just fucking drop it._ Ellana pressed her fingers tighter around his wrist, pushed down on her hilt, but he held the axe steady.

 _I don’t want to die_ . The thought almost made her falter before terror gave way to fury. _I won’t._

Ellana spat blood in his eyes and snarled. “Fuck this, and _fuck_ you too!” Her hand left her dagger, and grabbed the side of his neck. She yanked him closer and slammed the top of her head into his face before he could pull away.

He was still screaming as blood poured from his  now-broken nose. Ellana’s blow had sent them both reeling. He had lost the advantage. Her dagger held firm between his right shoulder and arm. That arm was useless now. It dangled at his side limply, pinned in place.

The shem swung his axe wildly. His screams became hoarse whispers. He sounded like a creaking wheel as he cursed her, her mother, anyone she had that he could name. She pushed the distraction from her mind, like Deshanna taught her. Ellana jumped back and flexed her left hand.

The axe went wide and passed in front of her chest. She would have a clear shot before she had to move away again. Her arm pricked with a pins-and-needles chill down her skin. She ignored the halla-horn hilt of her dagger, and focused on the ironbark folded into her blade. 

If he noticed the armor around her blade start to crisp, he did not notice in time to escape it. 

Lightning arced from Ellana’s hand to her dagger.  She threw her other hand over her eyes, but they were still burned by the after-image. The bolt blazed blue between her fingers as it worked through the shem’s body.  The axe that swung toward her froze as his arm went taut, and she heard the sudden catch of his breathing. The bolt disappeared into the ground, and the shem crumpled in a twitching pile of limbs. After a long moment, his axe was finally still. His hands fell away empty, axe blade buried in the dirt. 

He really had stopped moving. Ellana had never been so close to one of her bolts before. It left her dazed. She moved her fingers experimentally. Her arm was numb to the elbow so she pulled away, and ducked into a defensive stance. The shem stayed motionless on the ground. She wiped her bloodied face with her sleeve while her vision cleared. 

“Ellana?” 

Mahanon groaned, and pushed himself up to a kneeling position. Ellana noticed how he swayed upright without moving his arms, hands curled into his chest, before she bolted to his side. 

“Mahanon!” Ellana crashed to her knees next to him, and took him by the shoulders. His face was covered in a sheen of sweat, and there was an ashen cast on his brown skin. “Cousin…” She trailed off, eyes widening in horror.

Mahanon shrugged. It was the same shrug he gave when he missed a target. Like he hadn’t noticed the blood gushing from his hand. “Heh, not my best.”

Ellana’s hands flew to her tunic, and she worked at the hem to tear it into strips. “I’m here, I can help.” 

Mahanon’s breath came in ragged gasps as Ellana forced away his hand to wrap the wound in cloth. She couldn’t see his hand as he hunched forward, head under her chin, but she only had to feel for it. She felt the _loss_ under all the blood. Mahanon’s hand was too small in her grasp. He hissed in pain as she applied pressure.

“Did you get separated from Haleni?” Ellana asked urgently. 

Mahanon shrunk from her, shoulders hunched as he curled into himself. “We were ambushed. One threw a dagger. We ran, but I didn’t realize… he hit- I was just dragging her along-”

Ellana felt a cold pressure settle around her chest as she panicked. “Mahanon, where’s Haleni?” Ellana searched his face. He kept his gaze down, his mouth in a thin line. “Where’s Haleni?”

Ellana’s eyes scanned the trees past them. The clearing was small. Only the main road was beyond their route. _Where could she have been separated? How far did they run?_

Mahanon sighed, defeated. “She’s behind you. You went past her.”

Ellana’s limbs locked at their joints. The mounting pressure around her ribs told her that whatever was behind her was worse than the blood, worse than the shem she just killed.

 _Lavellan stays together, and Lavellan survives_.

 _Lavellan stays together, and Lavellan survives_.

Ellana forced herself to look.

That was Haleni by the trees. Ellana saw the slick shine of blood on her body, and puddles of it soaked into the ground around her. She stared at Ellana with half-lidded eyes, mouth open and chest still.  An unfamiliar dagger was in her hand, slender and shaped for throwing. The shem weapon was uncharacteristically elegant and dark with blood. 

“How did they find you?” Ellana asked. Her voice was distant, like it was still lost in the trees around them. Her eyes were on Haleni.

Tears streamed down Mahanon’s face. He did not seem to notice. “Scouts. We sighted the camp, but they-”  
  
Ellana committed Haleni’s body to memory before turning back to Mahanon. “They?”

 _We can’t let them live._ Ellana’s hands trembled. _I could kill the rest of them like this one. It can’t be hard._

“There’s more of them by the road. Rabbit catchers, lots-” Mahanon doubled over in pain. “-Ellana it hurts, I can’t feel my hand, Ellana help, please,” his voice broke, “I think it’s _gone_ -”

“Come here, come here.” Ellana drew closer, until their knees touched. She tugged another strip from her tunic and started to wind it around the first bandage. _It is gone. Most of it._ “Shh, I can make it better, take a breath.”

Mahanon sobbed, a small hiccuping sound. “Ellana, she’s gone. She’s gone. She- Ellana, what do we do?”

Rabbit catchers. Woodsmen. Halla-hunters. Monsters with many names. There was only one thing to do with monsters.

“I’ll fix this. I’ll find them.” Ellana’s voice rang hollow in her ears. Part of her knew she was pressing the cloth into Mahanon’s wounds, but part of her felt like she was still staring at Haleni’s body. Haleni had looked awake, and as pained as Mahanon sounded. Would her blood be colder than Mahanon’s on her hands?

“Don’t underestimate them.” Mahanon’s voice was little more than a whisper. “Not like I did.”

“I won’t. I know what they’ve done.” The linen was already starting to soak through. Her hand was still numb and clumsy. Ellana cursed to herself as she tied off the cloth. She would have to work faster.  “I’ll take care of it.”

“Wait!” Mahanon panicked. His other hand grabbed Ellana’s shoulder and held on tight. “Fix this before you go, please,” Mahanon’s voice broke, “Can you fix this? Anything, _please_.”

 _How could I- there’s no time…_ Ellana abandoned that thought when she realized Mahanon had never sounded this truly afraid. She was needed more than she was helpless. Ellana nodded. She blinked away tears. “Of course I can.”

Ellana held Mahanon’s hand and put the heat of lightning from her mind. She had no oakmoss to burn, but she thought of the Hearth-Mother all the same. _Sylaise keep him. Let him heal._

Faint green light glowed under the layers of cloth, like the first touch of flame against a log. Ellana felt Mahanon’s bleeding slow to a trickle, and then stop altogether. Mahanon exhaled in relief. He almost looked like himself, before Ellana remembered where they were.

“This will be over soon.” Ellana touched her fingertips to his temple. _Sylaise,_ _let him sleep. He cannot follow me._

Exhaustion settled on Mahanon like a heavy blanket. He grabbed at her shawl to steady himself. “T-take me with you.” His grip started to weaken as her spell took effect.

She knew him too well. Ellana touched her forehead to his. She smoothed his braids behind one ear. “Sleep, cousin.”

Ellana murmured an apology as she lowered him to the ground. She finally saw how small the bandaged stump was compared to his other hand. Mahanon may never hold his bow again. The rabbit catchers would pay for that too.

Ellana waved her hand in a quick, darting motion, and created motes of light for the hunters to find. Some orbited around Mahanon faithfully while others shot back towards camp, blinking and shifting colors in the dim light. Satisfied, Ellana moved to retrieve her dagger. When she was about to pull it free, the thought of _not_ returning struck her. She would rather Mahanon have it, instead some rabbit hunter taking it as a trophy. Ellana took the shem’s axe instead. She sliced through the air with a practice swing. The air whistled in her wake. It would do. She tucked the axe into her belt.

She had to find the shems’ camp before they advanced. They were bold. If they tried to assault the aravels, or if there were more than Mahanon had seen, more of Lavellan could die. No amount of them would be worth more than her clan. Haleni alone was worth all their lives.

She was ready. She would wipe Mahanon’s blood off this axe with their own. But first, Ellana stopped and unfastened her shawl. The parts not covered in blood crackled with static. She held the stained halla wool reverently in her hands, and walked to where Haleni lay by the trees.

It was a simple thing to sit Haleni up and slip the shawl around her shoulders. Ellana remembered years of helping her cousin into her festival clothes and held her tighter. Her cool head rested on Ellana’s shoulder. She brushed her hand down Haleni’s back and she found the fatal wound.

Ellana exhaled sharply. “It should have missed.” Grief was thick in her mouth. Rage coiled in her gut. She let her tears fall freely. _What right did that shem have to not miss?_

She closed Haleni’s wound without resistance. She half-expected Haleni to stir in her arms. Ellana tied Haleni’s shawl and eased her against the closest tree.

“Ir abelas, lethallan _._ Haleni-” Ellana bit back a dozen more apologies. “They won’t outlive you for long.”

***

Ellana raced out of the clearing. She moved from the shelter of one tree to another in case she was spotted. It was raining. Of course it was raining. Ellana darted behind a tree to wipe at her eyes. Her vision cleared but she could still taste it, metallic and warm on her lips. There was no rain, just the cut on her brow continuing to bleed.

She reached up to the cut and stopped. _It can wait._ She needed her mana. Ellana picked up her foot silently and judged the distance to the next tree before-

There was a rustling in the trees around her.

Ellana braced herself against the tree and held her breath. Blood trickled down her throat, and ran down her stomach like sweat. Her tunic clung to her skin. The shems had already sent reinforcements. From the sound of it they had only sent one, two at the most. They had almost surprised her, and they were close. Ellana slipped the axe free from her belt. She would have to surprise them.

Her best chance was to hobble them, and finish it quickly when they fell. She crouched down, and had her axe ready for a low swing. She ran straight for the sound, before they could move closer.

Her prey was easy to spot. Some twenty feet away, a doe grazed on a fern. She noticed Ellana and bolted swiftly into the trees.

 _It’s… oh._ Ellana stopped short. Was she disappointed, or relieved? She moved back to cover while she tried to sort it out. The forest was sharpening into focus under the rising sun. Ellana dreaded the moment the sun crested over the trees. The hunters would find Haleni and Mahanon in the light of day-

They would find Haleni dead. Ellana swallowed down the bile that burned her throat. Dead and bloodied, eyes open- _why didn’t I close her eyes?_

The corners of Ellana’s vision blurred and she found herself hunched over. Her fingernails dug into her knees to the point of pain. She couldn’t run anymore. She couldn’t _breathe._

_Why now?_

_Why Haleni?_

_Why?_

Ellanna curled her fingers in like talons. She focused on the sunlight creeping across the forest floor, instead of the cold chill working into her limbs. It filled her with a horrible clarity. Haleni was dead and the sun was rising. The shems that hired these rabbit-catchers would be waking now. They would be paid for their work. The shem who killed Haleni fled before taking proof, but he would be paid. She was sure of it.

The rabbit-catchers would wake day after day, and they wouldn’t even know Haleni’s name. 

 _No._  

Ellana forced herself upright, and steadied herself on a nearby tree. She left a bloody handprint behind as she moved forward. She had a job to do.  She eyed the trees around her warily, and sent a whispered prayer to Andruil. It seemed like the right thing to do, but the prayer did not match the fire in her chest. This was not a regular hunt. 

 _All-Father, hear me._ That felt better.  A spot between her shoulder blades thrummed with electricity. _One of your daughters is dead._

She stalked from tree to tree. Ellana could just barely see the dip in the forest floor through gaps in the treeline ahead. _All-Father, I want blood. I’ll give blood. Every drop they have. He-Who-Cast-Down-Sun, watch me.Watch me kill every enemy of the People. I will be your vengeance in this world._

Ellana nicked her thumb on the blade of her axe. She let the blood drip freely. _Elgar’nan enasal enaste._

She hid herself behind the largest tree she could find. The old Tevene road dipped into the earth. It had been worn down through the ages, which made artificial valleys that dropped without warning. The sides were more than an aravel high. She leaned as far from the tree as she dared and surveyed the road. This was the last bit of cover she could count on. Down there, she would be exposed between mossy soil walls and bare tree roots.

The shems were easy to spot. Ellana saw muted pinpricks of light where the road was deeper and just a bit wider. Cloaked figures stood by the blocky outlines of carts. Ellana counted how many aravels could be lined up between her tree and the shems. Too few to be safe, too few to turn away now.

Ellana crouched down and balanced on the balls of her feet. She inched closer to where the ground broke. Ferns and saplings parted easily between her fingers. Most of the shems were closer to the curve of the road, which left two shems by their carts. She climbed down the wall hand under hand. She held herself so tightly against the wall that she came away covered in earth.

The road was shadowed by its high walls. Ellana drew her axe again. _I promise I won’t put this away until I’m done._ The shems down the road continued to pace and talk. Ellana stepped into the shadow and walked towards the camp. She paused every few steps until she could hear them clearly.

“...‘s too close to daybreak. Haven’t heard anythin’ since that horn. I don’t like it.”

Ellana leaned against the wall. If it was useful, they could live for a little longer.

The shem’s reply was a scoff, and a quiet word to the other.

The other shem spat on the ground. “Andraste’s ass, you really think you got the only one?”

“Know I did. Waited for the eyes to flash, then,” he whistled, “let it fly.”

 _You._ Ellana tracked the shem’s movements around the cart and back.   _All-Father, I’ll save him for last._

“And what?” This shem sounded nervous, but he was already dead. “Trev ‘n Owen are just having a laugh?”

“Looking for tricks, I bet. Mage shit. Don’t want surprises.”

 _What a shame they found some._ Ellana smiled to herself. Two had fallen, what was two more? She stopped listening, and paid attention to the hum that had spread from her shoulders to her fingers. The All-Father was impatient. She had promised blood and they were _right there._

Why wait?

Ellana moved from the shadowed wall to the middle of the road. Every part of her that decried the recklessness of it, every part of her that was already bloody and tired and scared, was silenced. She felt the hum of lightning in her sternum now, and static in the air around her. Heat raced from palm to palm as she kept the lightning close to her. It leapt up one arm to course down the other. Each time it built up speed, and the bright blue of sparks became impossible to hide.

Now the shems noticed her.

The nervous one saw her first. He shouted for the others. Ellana watched the one who killed Haleni grab for a knife that was no longer there. Before he could reach for his other sheath, Ellana struck.

Her bolt hit the nervous one square in the chest. Ellana did not turn away this time. This bolt flashed from blue to orange when it connected. The first shem seized and dropped, his form limned in orange light as he fell. Haleni’s killer was thrown off his feet but was otherwise unharmed.

The fear on his face was a start. Now the other shems had run up to join him. Ellana locked eyes with Haleni’s killer and raised her left hand. The static in the air parted and re-formed around her fingers. The shems behind him stared as they watched something they had never seen, and did not know how to stop.

All but one shem was caught in the storm hovering above the road. _Elgar’nan enasal enaste._ Ellana brought her hand down and a loud _crack_ followed a maelstrom of sparks. Lightning arced down in a flashes of blue and white. The bolts forked when they landed, and raced through the shems greedily.  The noise made Ellana’s ears ring but she refused to look away. Five bolts became ten, became twenty, and then the storm was at the limit of her control. The trees on either side of the road exploded as lightning surged up their roots and broke through the sides of trunks.

Haleni’s killer watched her from the ground. Behind him, the storm ebbed. It had consumed everything, and left burnt earth and flesh in its wake. He pushed himself up, and tried to stand. Fear or surrender sent him falling forward again.

Ellana moved towards him. The ringing in her ears disappeared as she re-directed the last of her mana. She hefted her stolen axe. “This was your friend’s axe.”

The man groaned into the dirt. His hands clawed the earth, trying to pull himself forward. He seemed smaller down at her feet. Ellana swallowed blood and ash, no longer afraid. “I don’t know if it was Trev’s or Owen’s. All you shems look alike.”

A silence stretched between her words. A wordless thought moved through the trembling of his hands.

Ellana tilted her head. “Do you know what you deserve?”

He coughed wetly, and said nothing. His head bowed forward like a wounded deer. He had resigned himself to his fate, and that suited Ellana fine.

“Let me show you.”

 _It’s like chopping firewood_ , Ellana thought to herself as the axe bit down. _But not quite._ Her axe lodged between brain and bone. Ellana almost left it- the job was done- but she wrenched it free anyway. Whatever spattered back onto her face was lost under the blood.

 _It’s different._ Ellana’s knees buckled as she gagged. This time the bile burned her nose and scoured her tongue. She pressed her heels into the ground and forced herself to look. She would not fall to her knees and vomit. Ellana pulled her tunic up against her mouth. The blood on it had started to stiffen, but that was better than the smoky air around her. It burned her eyes and smelled like burnt meat. Now she could count the bodies. At least eleven here, and the two she’d left behind... if there were any left alive she could have learned how many were sent.

 _I kept my promise_. The thought should have comforted Ellana more. At least they were dead.

Ellana stood with her axe hanging limply from her hand. She did not move until she heard the sound of horns and familiar voices. Huntmaster Findros had found her. He jumped down to the road with a handful of hunters and scouts. They all looked like they had just left battle, and their weapons were still drawn. The hunters whispered to themselves as they noticed the bodies, and what Ellana had done to the shem set apart from the rest.

Findros approached Ellana. His armor was bloody, but he held up a hand when Ellana made a noise of alarm. “It’s not mine, da’len.” The lines of his vallaslin ran into the wrinkles of his forehead as he furrowed his brow. “You did this?”

“Yes.” Ellana watched the smoke rise over their heads.

Findros looked over the carnage. “We fended off another attack at the eastern ward. They meant to separate us.”

 _Meant to, but now they’re fucking dead._ Ellana felt a surge of pride.

“We have to re-join the clan and leave, before more arrive, and these bodies-”

Ellana held up her hand. “Don’t burn them, that’s what shems do. Let them rot in the sun.”

Findros inclined his head. “We will.” There was anger in Findros’ voice as well, lying in wait for the next monster.

He issued orders to his hunters, and guided Ellana back to the wall. They scaled it together, while two hunters piled the carts with bodies. On the path to camp, the hunters flanked Findros and Ellana. Findros passed Ellana her dagger while they walked. She sheathed it without cleaning it. That would be for later. The dagger was worth saving, but Ellana might throw her tunic in the bonfire.

“You broke his nose,” Findros observed.

“Like you taught me. Thank you, hahren,” Ellana replied.

Findros put a hand on Ellana’s shoulder. “You’re welcome, da’len.”

Ellana kept pace, but her gaze moved from tree to tree. “Mahanon?” She had to know.

“At camp. Haleni is there as well. We-” Findros cleared his throat. “We covered her as best we could. I sent Ethin and Felen to bring her home. I’m going there as well. See Keeper Deshanna as soon as we’re in camp.”

Ellana saw him catch a tear before it rolled down his cheek.  She looked up at him, so he knew she saw. The tear tracks on her own face had to be visible through the drying blood. “I’ll start preparations as soon as I can.” It was all Ellana could think to say. She had never performed a funeral ceremony.

Findros squeezed her shoulder. “I know you will, Ellana.”

***

Deshanna’s wife Ayala met them at the outskirts of camp. The Antivan woman was lacing up her leathers when they approached. Her hair was still tied up in a scarf. The aravels were a flurry of motion behind her.

Ayala pulled Ellana into a hug before she could protest. “I don’t care about the blood, mija,” Ayala whispered. The hilt of Ayala’s sword jutted into Ellana’s hip. “Are you alright?”

Ellana thought about it. She made it back to camp. At some point between leaving Mahanon and finding the shems on the road, she had forgotten that was possible. “No,” Ellana whispered back. Ayala would understand.

Ayala touched her forehead to Ellana’s. “Let’s go see Deshanna.”

All of Lavellan’s eyes were on her now. They were watching even as their packed the last of the aravels. Ellana held her back straighter. Ayala kept her arm around her shoulders, whispering quiet endearments in Antivan.

 _What will I tell them? What do I tell Deshanna?_ Ellana pressed her lips together. She followed where Ayala led her.

Keeper Deshanna’s aravel was across from the firepit, set apart to look over the circled aravels. The halla grazed near it while they still could. They watched as Ellana and Ayala walked to the aravel steps.

Ayala pressed a hand to Ellana’s cheek. She looked at her with kind brown eyes. “I’m going to get the aravels moving. Stay with Deshanna today.”  
  
Today. It was only morning. Ellana made a noise of acknowledgement, before catching herself. “I will. Gracias, Ayala.”

Ayala left her once she opened the door to the aravel. The inside was lit with veilfire. The scent of the various herbal teas and medicines Deshanna had been making wafted toward her all at once. Deshanna was sitting by her altar, but she stood when Ellana entered.

Ellana’s shoulders sagged in relief. “Keeper…”

Deshanna was at her side in a moment. “Come sit, Ellita.”

 _She hasn’t called me that since I was little._  Ellana did not protest, and Deshanna steered her to the bed. Ellana pulled herself into a cross-legged seat and left Deshanna room. Deshanna took a box off the shelf and pulled out rolls of bandages and a clay jar of salve. She took a pitcher of water as well and sat next to Ellana. She wet a bandage with water, and started the process of cleaning Ellana’s wounds.

Ellana winced as the cloth took off layers of dried blood and soot.  “Are you feeling better?”

“I’m fine,” said Deshanna. “The fever’s broken.”

The message was clear: _don’t worry about me._ Deshanna daubed salve on Ellana’s forehead and pressed a bandage to it. She wrapped a longer strip of cloth over the bandage and around Ellana’s head to hold it in place. The aravel jolted into motion while she worked. _Ayala finished up then._ She would lead them until nightfall, or until Deshanna said otherwise.

“There,” Deshanna said softly. She tied the bandages and left salve on the cut below Ellana’s eye. It was shallow enough to leave uncovered. Ellana touched a hand to it and looked at Deshanna. Ellana forgot what to say, if there was anything to say.

“Mahanon and Haleni were the only two who did not answer your call,” Deshanna continued. “You were gone before our hunters could return but-” Deshanna fumbled for something at her bedside, before pressing it into Ellana’s hand, “-we found your paint.”

One of her paint jars. Ellana looked it over for cracks. The jar was lighter in her hand now that most of it was spilled on the river bank. _How long ago was that?_ Ellana snapped her eyes up from the jar and waited for Deshanna to continue.

Deshanna squeezed her hand and went on. “We knew where you would go. We saw your lights. Findros found them both.” Deshanna’s voice barely trembled. Ellana wondered how she managed it. “You were gone when they arrived. Mahanon sent him to find you.”

Ellana sighed. “Of course he did.” She had still not seen Mahanon since she left him in that clearing. He must hate her for not bringing him. Ellana’s fist tightened around her axe. No one had taken it from her.

“Haleni died,” she said, and her voice sounded too small for the idea. “Haleni is _dead_ , and there were more in the forest,” she gulped in a breath bigger than her lungs, “I _had_ to _-”_

Deshanna smoothed back Ellana’s bloody hair. “You saved Mahanon.”

Ellana slumped onto Deshanna’s chest. She sighed out the air that had stopped at her throat. “His hand-” Ellana started, and stopped. Mahanon’s hand had been lost in the blood. She had felt the absence of fingers, gore that felt like crushed berries in her palm. “I couldn’t-”

“You saved him.” Deshanna pressed Ellana’s head to her collar.

Ellana closed her eyes, and took another breath. She saved him. The shems were dead. “They killed Haleni and I couldn’t let them live.”

“You did what I would have done.” Deshanna replied, and Ellana hoped it was praise.

The aravel wheels turned under them, axels creaking under the speed. The forest would be behind them by midday.

Ellana turned out of habit to take the latch off the window, but froze. It was already behind them, if she didn’t look. “We’ll be away from here soon.”

“The sooner the better,” Deshanna said in agreement.

“I- it’s a shame,” Ellana said to fill the silence. “I never finished painting the river. I’ll have to paint you something else.”

Her _sketch?_ Ellana wanted to scream, or slap herself. Why would Deshanna care about that now? Why should _she_? By evening, she and Deshanna would have to start the funeral prayers. Ellana had never said them outside of practice, and Deshanna was still exhausted. How long would they have to prepare, how could she have the energy for it now _…_ _What happens now?_

“Ellana,” Deshanna continued, louder than her thoughts. She reached a hand out and drew Ellana close again. “What name will you choose for yourself?”

Ellana blinked. Her adult name. The name she chose, that Deshanna would announce to the clan.

The question took hold in her mind, and she relaxed against Deshanna’s side. “You think I’m ready?”

“I know that you are.” Fatigue crept back into Deshanna’s voice. Her fever had run its course but she still needed rest.

Ellana had thought about taking a name like her mother’s, or an old name from legend. Mahanon had imagined her as Lindirinae, sword and staff in hand. She had never been convinced.

Now the river was all Ellana could think of, its elvhen name preserved in Deshanna’s spidery hand. Ellana had eagerly tracked their progress toward its winding banks. This had been the first time in four decades Lavellan camped at the river, the first time ever for Ellana and Deshanna. After this, the routes would be re-drawn. No clan would travel here until it was safe.

Ellana thought of the river, and the blank page in her journal, and decided.

“Tell them my name is Ladwyn.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is the longest fanwork I've written in a decade, and I'm so happy to share it with all of you. I referenced my headcanons for Dalish naming conventions in this fic, but you can find those at this link: http://thedosianexplorer.tumblr.com/post/169644906875/dalish-naming-conventions#notes I appreciate all kudos, comments, declamations of love, etc very much <3


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